Thrivers: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Resilient Kids

By Myra Hurtado, LPC-S

Parenting in today’s world is not for the faint of heart. Our children are growing up in a world that moves fast… faster than their minds and bodies were designed to keep up with. Between academic pressure, constant online connectivity, and global stressors, it’s no wonder so many kids are anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally exhausted.

As a trauma-informed mental health therapist, I meet kids and parents every day who are longing for something different. They don’t just want to “get through” childhood—they want to thrive.

The good news? Thriving isn’t about perfection, talent, or even natural temperament. Thriving is about building inner strength—character traits and coping tools that help kids handle adversity, bounce back from setbacks, and grow into compassionate, emotionally sturdy human beings.

Why We Need This Conversation

Dr. Michele Borba, author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine, says, “We’ve raised a generation of strivers, not thrivers.”

So many kids are checking all the boxes—grades, sports, awards—but still feeling anxious, exhausted, and unsure of who they are outside of performance. Thriving is not the same as striving. Thriving is about building the inside—confidence, character, and resilience.

Our job as parents is not to clear every obstacle from our child’s path, but to help them develop the tools to face those obstacles with courage and hope.

The Role of Trauma, Attachment, and Attunement

Before we talk about building character, we must talk about safety.Children can only thrive when they feel safe—physically, emotionally, and relationally.

Attachment is the bond that helps a child feel secure and trust the world.Attunement is our ability to notice and respond to their emotional state—those small moments when we say, “I see you.”

You don’t need to be a perfect parent, but you do need to be a present one. When you are emotionally available, calm, and responsive, you help your child regulate their nervous system and learn to trust themselves. This is the foundation that allows all the character traits to grow.

The 7 Traits of Thrivers

Dr. Borba identifies seven teachable traits that help kids thrive. Here’s how we can nurture each one:

1. Self-Confidence

True confidence comes from mastery, not constant praise. Give kids opportunities to try, fail, and try again. Celebrate their courage, not just the outcome.

Parent Tip: Let them struggle safely. Ask, “What did you learn from that?” instead of rushing to rescue.

2. Empathy

Empathy begins with emotional literacy—naming and understanding feelings. Trauma can pull kids into survival mode, but empathy can be rebuilt through modeling.

Parent Tip: Validate emotions: “That sounds really tough. I’m here with you.”

3. Self-Control

Kids borrow our calm before they can create their own. Co-regulation (breathing together, quiet presence, predictable routines) teaches kids to pause and choose their response.

Parent Tip: Create rituals of regulation: deep breathing, movement breaks, “calm corners.”

4. Integrity

Integrity means acting according to values—even when no one is watching. Model honesty, take responsibility for your own mistakes, and create a family culture where it’s safe to make amends.

Parent Tip: Ask, “What happened?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?” and guide them toward repair.

5. Curiosity

Curiosity thrives in safe environments. Encourage questions, let them experiment, and avoid rushing to give answers.

Parent Tip: Ask, “What do you think will happen if we try this?” and wonder together.

6. Perseverance

Perseverance is built through practice, not protection. Avoid rescuing too quickly—let them experience frustration and recovery.

Parent Tip: Replace “You’re so smart” with “You worked really hard on that.”

7. Optimism

Optimism is not pretending everything is fine—it’s believing that hope and growth are possible. Model gratitude and help kids reframe challenges.

Parent Tip: At dinner, ask, “What’s one good thing that happened today?”

Practical Ways to Build Thrivers Every Day

• Do regular emotional check-ins: “What’s your high and low today?”

• Repair when you mess up: “I didn’t handle that well. Can we try again?”

• Create small rituals of connection: hugs, bedtime stories, after-school chats.

• Model resilience: talk about your own challenges and how you cope.

• Regulate yourself first: calm is contagious.

  
  

Start Small. Start Today.

You don’t have to overhaul your parenting overnight. Pick one trait to focus on this week. Choose one new way to connect. Slow down enough to notice your child’s emotional world.

Remember: you don’t need to be a perfect parent to raise a thriving child. You just need to be a committed, present one.

Connection is the parenting superpower. When kids feel seen, safe, and soothed, they can grow into exactly who they were created to be.