There's No One Way to Grieve

There’s No One Way to Grieve: Learning to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

In our culture, we’re often taught to treat grief like something that needs to be managed, fixed, or moved through quickly. But the truth is, grief changes us. It reshapes the landscape of our lives, and there is no singular roadmap for how to navigate that terrain.

As someone who works closely with individuals experiencing the complications of grief—especially layered or traumatic loss—I want to affirm what so many grieving people instinctively know but rarely hear:  You’re not doing it wrong. There is no “right” way to grieve.

Some people cry every day. Others go numb. Some throw themselves into work or caregiving, while others find they can barely get out of bed. Grief may come in waves, years after the loss. It may surprise us in line at the grocery store or during a quiet walk. It doesn’t unfold in tidy stages. It doesn’t always bring closure. And it never looks exactly the same twice.

One of the most compassionate shifts we can make, both personally and collectively, is moving away from the idea that grief has a finish line. Instead, we begin to understand that grief is something we learn to carry—not something we “get over.” That doesn’t mean we stay stuck in suffering. It means we make space for the pain to exist alongside love, memory, meaning, and even joy.

Grief is love with nowhere to go. And just like love, it deserves to be witnessed—not silenced or rushed. Rather than asking, “How do I get past this?” a more useful and healing question might be, “How do I tend to this pain while still honoring my life?”

Here are a few things I encourage for those in grief:

• Give yourself permission to grieve as you are. There’s no emotional timeline you’re supposed to follow. Some days you might feel functional; other days, it may feel impossible to move. Both are valid.

• Find safe spaces for your grief. Whether that’s with a grief-informed therapist, a death doula, a support group, or one trusted friend—your pain deserves to be heard without being minimized or “fixed.”

• Let go of the pressure to “be okay.” Grief isn’t a reflection of weakness—it’s a reflection of how deeply you’ve loved. The goal isn’t to stop feeling; it’s to create room for those feelings to exist.

• Remember: carrying grief is a skill. Like any skill, it takes time and practice. You may never stop missing the person you lost, but over time, you may learn how to integrate that loss into your life in a way that honors both them and yourself.

In a world that often wants grief to be neat and temporary, choosing to honor your pain is an act of courage. You are not broken for grieving. You are human.