Emotions: You Don’t Have to Fix Them - The Healing Power of Feeling and Being With

As a trauma-informed therapist, I often remind my clients: Your emotions are not the problem - how you've been taught to treat them might be.

Many of us were raised in homes or cultures where emotional expression was either discouraged, misunderstood, or labeled as “too much.” Over time, we learned to hold it in—to push through, numb out, or minimize what we felt. But here’s the truth:

Repressing emotion doesn’t make it go away. It buries it. And whatever we bury, our body carries.

The Cost of Repressed Emotions

When we suppress emotions, especially painful ones like sadness, anger, fear, or grief, we don’t eliminate them—we internalize them. Dr. Gabor Maté, a trauma expert, often shares how the body becomes a vessel for unprocessed emotional pain. And over time, that pain can show up as:

• Anxiety or depression

• Chronic tension and pain

• Emotional outbursts or shutdowns

• Disconnection from self and others

Our nervous system thrives when it can feel and release. Emotional expression is not weakness—it’s regulation. It’s how we complete stress cycles and move through hard things instead of getting stuck in them.

What It Means to “Hold Space”

Holding space is one of the most sacred things we can do for another human being. It means:

• Listening without judgment

• Allowing someone to feel without trying to change or fix their experience

• Staying emotionally present even when it’s uncomfortable

You might not have the “right” words. That’s okay. You don’t need a solution—you just need to be there. In trauma healing, presence is often more powerful than advice.

Here’s what holding space doesn’t sound like:

• “Don’t cry.”

• “At least…”

• “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

• “Let’s focus on the positive.”

And here’s what it can sound like:

• “I’m here with you.”

• “That sounds so hard. I’m glad you shared it.”

• “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Healing Happens in Safe Emotional Spaces

For trauma survivors, emotions were often met with punishment, neglect, or confusion. So when someone can stay with us—without shrinking, silencing, or solving—it creates safety.

Emotional safety is the soil where healing begins.

And it’s not just about others doing that for us. It’s about us learning to do that for ourselves, too. To say:“I’m allowed to feel this.”“My tears are not too much.”“I can hold space for myself with compassion.”

A New Way Forward

If you’ve spent years bottling things up, it can feel unfamiliar to let emotions rise. Start small:

• Journal what you're feeling without censoring

• Practice saying how you feel to someone safe

• Let yourself cry without needing a reason

• Offer comfort to yourself the way you would to a child

And if someone you love is expressing their emotions, remember:You don’t have to fix it.You don’t have to have answers.You just have to be present.

That presence might be the most healing gift they receive all day.

Your emotions are messengers! Sit them, be curious, allow them to unfold and learn how to move through them. If this is new for you, you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out today! We’d love to help.